April 8, 2008
Road Kill Report from Wedding Headquarters!

The count down clock has started…we spent the weekend nailing down all the specifics of the Wedding plans. You know, there just comes a time when you have to ask yourself, “Do we really need tiny mints with the date printed on them?” or “Is ‘O Happy Day’ toilet paper really necessary!” And since my daughter decided to get married in the back yard, we have started the official prayer vigil against rain in the middle of May!

All the wedding talk made me a bit sentimental. So when the planning session was over I got out my old photo album to do a little reminiscing about my happy day. Unfortunately, the mice in the garage enjoyed a bit of my wedding album too, so I spent all day clipping away the chewed corners, cutting away the faded edges and compiling what was left of my wedding photos into a scrapbook. I love that kind of stuff…as a matter of fact, I loved my wedding day.

We didn’t’ have two cents to rub together and even less sense to get married! A cousin sketched the front porch of the house we got married at so we took the picture to Kinko’s and made copies for our invitations! Of course, I made my wedding dress. The Lady Di pattern was very popular and it took some adjusting because I bought a size 4 pattern. I was a size 3. (Believe me that was the last day I was ever a size 3). I sewed tiny plastic pearls into the center of each lace flower on my dress. I took some of the leftover lace and appliquéd it to edges of the train and veil. Bridesmaids wore pastel colors of the same pattern in taffeta. (I am so sorry girls!) We wanted to have horse drawn carriage bring us down the country lane – instead we could only afford a wagon with rubber wheels and two mules. I had on glasses as big as scuba mask and I think David’s hair was about that big too! The most expensive item was the cake because we splurged for some little fountain thing that sat under one of the tiers. We served peanuts in a silver dish that belonged to my cousin and we thought we were uptown with napkins that had our names printed on them. It was about as homemade as my scrapbook is now – but to me, I was Cinderella and David was my handsome Prince. It was a beautiful day.

May 14th – ten days before our daughters wedding we will celebrate our 25th Wedding Anniversary. I’m thinking of registering for China since I only got five plates and two cups and saucers the first time around! If you saw my video: Havin’ A Girls Nite Out then you’ll remember Blue Chintz Noritake China! (BTW, Chintz is a frightening word to say when you’re recording a live video in front of a large crowd!) They don’t even make those dishes anymore.

David and I may take an Anniversary trip in July but for now all the focus and energy is on our only daughter’s important day. To tell you the truth, it’s almost sad that you can buy everything already made now. Her wedding dress and veil was shipped to us in a box. Her invitations were engraved on thin strips of wood (something only my daughter would come up with). The cake is ordered and no one has to borrow a silver bowl for mints or peanuts. At least I got to help make the signs for the table numbers to go on. (Little scrapbook pages of the happy couples DOG with spray painted wooden numbers glued to each one). Finally, I could contribute some of my homemade skills to her big day!

Chera is so much smarter and wiser than I was when I got married. I am more and more proud of the woman she has become every single day. It is our greatest joy to give her the day she has always dreamed of (within reason – I’m not budging about the toilet paper).But these days I can’t help but wonder if I have done all I can do to prepare her for the most important step she will ever take in her life. And then it happened. Chera sat down beside me at the table and said, “Mom can I ask one more little question?” I knew it - one more lesson that I can instruct her through with all the wisdom I have gained in my 25 years of being married. She opened a box filled with Wedding Programs, “Can you show me how to use the hot glue gun so that I can glue these tiny bows onto the front of each one of these crazy things?”

Aaahhh….a mother’s work is never done!

Someone commented the other day that I will probably have two videos worth of material after this wedding. I’m not so sure. If you’ve followed this crazy career of mine you will know that I have used very little “material” when it comes to my kids. David takes a beaten – but, he did say, “I do!” We have both agreed that our relationship with the kids is more important than “getting a laugh.” But I’m not perfect – there are times I’m sure I’ve embarrassed them to death. (Most of the time it was at our house when they had friends over!)

I asked Chera if she felt prepared for this…if she thought her clinically depressed, comedian mother had just about ruined her life. She just laughed and said, “Well, I don’t mean to brag – but I think I’m pretty awesome!” (I think she has her father’s ego!) But I couldn’t agree more!

I’m heading out this weekend for three more days of the “Stayin’ Alive…Laughing” Tour. I’ll be in Akron, Columbus and Cincinnati. Can I just tell you - this particular “show” has been one of the most rewarding nights of my touring life. The topic is fun – but the meaning behind the madness has been such a passionate topic. I adore the Church. The Church has been a part of my life since I was born – I never want to come across as critical of The Church. At the same time, I never want the Church to forget that we are all bits and pieces in some Sunday Scrapbook. We are sinners – no more, no less than anyone in this world. We are just blessed to have been glued into the Big Book at some point! (Just a little scrapbook segue!)

Seriously, check the website for places and dates….I’ll bring the hot glue gun!

See you on the road!
Chonda